Mad Dancer
by Ironshot
Summary: The wards never set around Privet Drive and Bellatrix never joined her husband in attacking the Longbottoms. Instead, Bellatrix Crucio'd baby Thyme Potter (fem! Harry) until the Girl-Who-Lived started laughing. Careful distribution of funds results in Bellatrix becoming Thyme's adoptive mother.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

"Mudblood, here's a bag to put your stuff in. With how much your clothes make you stick out, you should probably climb in and undress. You look like a first or maybe second year so I doubt you've developed in any way worth being embarrassed about," Thyme says to the only person in Flourish and Blotts who is wearing more than a hip bag and wand.

"What did you call me? My name is Hermione Granger," the bushy-haired girl proclaims as she turns to see a hip bag held by a whip of raw magic coming from the emerald nailed hand of an eleven-year-old girl wearing absolutely nothing but a hip bag.

"My apologies, my adoptive mother was a Pureblood extremist. The term 'mudblood' is a derogatory reference to muggle hygiene as it was known in the time of King Arthur. Perhaps after you finish getting school supplies you can get permission from your parents to spend the remaining time until school starts with me and get more practice blending in with the wizarding world and gaining the tolerance if not acceptance of a few Purebloods. You can call me Thyme for now and I'll tell you my family name when we have more privacy since it tends to draw the wrong kind of attention," Thyme says in response while brushing her hair with one hand to draw Hermione's attention away from her pubic region.

"Thanks, I guess. I've only gotten my wand and books after setting up a vault at Gringotts so it might be awhile before I finish getting supplies. My parents are waiting in the Leaky Cauldron since they are uncomfortable with the sheer amount of nudity in the wizarding world," Hermione says with a blush as she realizes Thyme caught her staring at her genitals. A few minutes after she climbs into the bag Thyme offered her, Hermione climbs out and asks if there is a specific way to wear the bag.

"Not really. As long as you can reach it without drawing attention you can wear it on your hips or arms or even on your legs. If you're not comfortable staying nude, Madam Malkin has a shop where you can purchase robes for use in both the wizarding and muggle worlds and the bag can be worn over or under the robes," Thyme says as she subtly steers the bushy-haired girl to Madam Malkin's Robes for Muggle Occasions.

Fifteen minutes and 3 galleons later, Hermione almost decides not to wear her new robes when Thyme mentions a passive shield wizard raised children learn before leaving the home to protect against the darker elements of society as well as protection from extreme temperatures and environmental hazards. "So, do you want to get your Potions supplies or your Astronomy supplies first Mudblood," Thyme asks in a friendly tone as they leave Madam Malkin's.

"Astronomy first. I might not buy anything though with how advanced Muggle equipment is even without electricity. Are potions ingredients supplied by the school? I didn't see any listed on the supplies list," Hermione replies with a frown at being called 'Mudblood'.

"Your choice Mudblood. Muggle equipment will make you stand out more and not all the adults will act properly for their jobs. If you learn a few spells and buy a personal supply of ingredients, your Head of House at school may provide you with an area to practice Potions during your free time as long as an adult or upper year student is available to supervise," Thyme responds while guiding Hermione to one of the better Astronomy shops. In the end, Hermione gets a high-end wizarding telescope charmed with features to make it comparable to a mid-range Muggle telescope.

While passing the Apothecary, Thyme gives Hermione a second bag crafted by pure magic (not that Hermione notices) with a permanent stasis charm to store a personal supply of ingredients. "Now we just need to get you a pet. Toads are out of fashion and will draw the wrong sort of attention, so do you want a cat from Magical Menagerie or an owl from Eeylops Owl Emporium to send post to friends and parents?" Thyme asks as they exit from the cauldron shop a short time later.

"I think I'll look at the cats fir... I've only got a galleon left until school starts. How much do pets usually cost?" Hermione says as she briefly looks through her supply of wizarding money.

I'll buy your pet and starting supplies. Think of it as a welcome to the wizarding world gift," Thyme says as she guides the bushy-haired girl to Magical Menagerie. In less than ten minutes, both girls are walking out having purchased a half-kneazle named Crookshanks along with care supplies for Hermione and a snowy owl with care supplies for Thyme. "Now we just need to meet your parents for dinner at the Leaky Cauldron and ask if you can spend the rest of the summer with me learning about the wizarding world. Is your faculty guide with your parents? They usually stay with the student to make sure they get all their supplies," Thyme comments as they turn towards the pub leading to the muggle world.

"Oh my gosh! I left Professor McGonagall waiting for me at the book store. I hope she isn't too mad," Hermione responds with a gasp of shock while holding Crookshanks against her stomach with one arm. The two girls find McGonagall outside Flourish and Blotts looking more relieved than mad once she spots the bushy-haired girl. After thanking Thyme for keeping Hermione safe, the professor rushes off to do other tasks while Thyme follows Hermione into the pub and over to the only adults wearing something besides hip bags and robes.

"Hermione, where are your clothes? Did you finish your shopping? And where did the professor go?" the woman says.

"Thyme, these are my parents, Dan and Emma Granger. Mom, Dad, this is Thyme, a witch I met at the bookstore. My clothes are in my new hip bag along with everything except my pet. Professor McGonagall had other things to do after making sure Thyme could help me. Thyme was nice enough to offer an invitation to her home for the remainder of the summer as well as pre-school lessons on how to fit in in the wizarding world as long as I get your permission, so can I go?" Hermione replies to her mom's 'greeting'.

"Thyme? You'll keep Hermione safe, make sure she gets to school and writes us at least once a week?" Dan Granger queries after a moment's stunned silence. Interpreting it as instructions, Hermione leaps at her parents and hugs them while thanking them repeatedly.

"I vow on my life and magic Hermione will come to no serious harm while at my home, will get to school in a timely manner, and keep in contact through letters delivered by either my owl, Hedwig, or one of my House Elves," Thyme says to the elder Grangers on seeing their conflicted faces at Hermione's reaction. A brief flash of light comes from a wand in Thyme's hair and Hermione's parents give her another 20 pounds for spending money until the winter holidays.

"What was that flash of light? How are we going to get to your home? And where are your parents or guardians?" Hermione questions Thyme as the elder Grangers exit into muggle London.

"In order, the flash of light was my vow becoming magically binding, meaning I'll drop dead if you come to serious harm while at my home, fail to reach school in a timely manner, or fail to keep in contact with your parents. We will be using Floo powder to travel through the fireplace, and my birth parents are dead. My adoptive mother trusts me to keep a low profile in public and stay safe while her own presence would draw too much attention. Before we head to my home however, would you like to return to Gringotts to exchange your new money with wizarding currency?" Thyme responds while keeping an eye out for potential threats to Hermione's safety.

"If it's not too much trouble for you. Incidentally, how did you think up a name for your owl to use in your vow?" Hermione replies even as Thyme starts to escort her back to Gringotts. At the bank, Hermione is able to quickly get the pounds from her parents exchanged for galleons, sickles and knuts. Griphook, the goblin who handled the exchange of currency, even offers the use of a Gringotts Floo for a small fee earning a look from Thyme since goblins are not known for friendly customer service.

Gripping Hermione by one arm, Thyme gives the fee to Griphook, grabs a handful of Floo powder and pulls Hermione into the fire even as she quietly states, "Lestrange Manor." On exiting the Floo, Thyme guides Hermione to the floor with a magic whip even as she reflects a Crucio directly into a clearly insane woman with a second magic whip. "Mudblood, meet my adoptive mother, Bellatrix Lestrange. Mummy Bella, this is my new pet project, Hermione Granger," Thyme says once Bellatrix stops her Crucio.

**AN: **Thanks for reading and please review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: **Still own nothing

Bellatrix waves the girls away with a blissful expression on her face despite the ten second self-inflicted Crucio. "So, for your shield lessons, do you want to strip nude or get hit by more painful spell effects? Not all spells can be blocked by clothing and some of them could ruin your life since you are not part of a wizarding family," Thyme says as they enter her bedroom.

"Um, shouldn't we eat first? We forgot before leaving the Leaky Cauldron," Hermione replies even as she strips out of her robes and stores them in her hip bag. Dinner conversation revolves around House Elves and their place in Pureblood wizarding society. Afterwards, the two girls spend a couple hours practicing Hermione's non-existent shield by hitting her genitals and the general region over her ovaries with stinging hex enhanced whip strikes.

Over the next six weeks, Hermione learns a considerable amount about Pureblood wizarding society including basic magic such as the shield or aura used to protect from the environment and weaker spells. Her letters to her parents suggest everything is perfect, but she leaves out Thyme and Bellatrix casting the torture curse on each other at least once a day. Disturbingly, on September 1st, Hermione is woken by the sound of Bellatrix having an orgasm due to a reflected Crucio.

After a not as quick as first believed breakfast supplied by a Lestrange House Elf, Thyme and Hermione step into the Floo and Thyme calls out "Platform Nine and Three Quarters". Stepping out onto the platform, Hermione can instantly tell which students are Muggle raised or Muggleborn like herself because they are the only ones wearing robes. The majority of the children and all of the adults have tattoos of one of four animals on their left breast.

On the tracks, a scarlet steam engine waits for the students to board the carriages. Cats of every color wind between the legs of the chattering crowd while owls hoot to one another with disgruntled tones over the babble and scraping of heavy trunks. "Gran, I've lost my toad again," a round faced boy says as the two girls start to pass near him.

"Oh, _Neville_," the old woman sighs in reply.

"Heir Longbottom? On behalf of the Noble House of Lestrange, I would like to formally apologize for the long-term hospitalization of your parents," Thyme stops to say to Neville.

"And who are you to speak for House Lestrange, girl? You certainly don't look like the mad witch Bellatrix," the old woman interrupts while Neville is stammering to think of the proper reply.

"Lady Thyme Potter, the Heiress Lestrange. Mummy Bella would give you your Crucio for the day if she heard your compliment of her," Thyme chuckles at the presumed Madam Longbottom.

"I'm pretty sure you mean Crucios. That morning orgasm that woke me up can't be the only time Lady Lestrange uses Crucio on herself each day considering she greeted us after the school supplies trip with a Crucio that you somehow reflected at her," Hermione interjects. "Oh, and I'm Hermione of the common House of Granger."

"On behalf of the Ancient House of Longbottom, I accept the apology of House Lestrange in the spirit it was given," Neville replies while Madam Longbottom and the stuffed vulture on her hat drop their jaws in shock at the casual mention of frequent use of the torture curse.

"We should find a compartment soon. You are welcome to share with us if you want. By the way, is this your toad?" Thyme comments as she casually summons a magic whip and uses it to snatch a toad as it tries to hop away. As the small group heads onto the train, a large group of red-heads enter the platform from the Muggle side of the station. "Oh great, the Weasleys are here. Now we really need to claim a compartment before we get stuck with the twin pranksters, the human garbage disposal or the rules lawyer," Thyme says as she notices the red-heads.

Soon enough, the express pulls out of the station and speeds along the countryside at around half the speed of a Muggle steam train. Thyme spends most of the ride listening to Neville tell stories about growing up a seeming Squib while Hermione talks about her parents' work as dentists. When the sweets trolley passes by, Hermione gets a single Licorice Wand saying her family avoids sweets most of the time while Neville gets a couple Chocolate Frogs and Thyme buys eleven sickles worth of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. "Every flavor? Does that mean you can get lobster or honey-glazed ham?" Hermione questions on seeing the bag of beans.

"Only if you're lucky. If you are unlucky you might get a selection of blood flavors that only a Vampire would consider tasty. Well... a Vampire or someone like Mummy Bella," Thyme replies as she pops a handful of beans into her mouth. Ironically, her best guess on the flavor of the beans would be troll's blood, Dragon's blood, Unicorn blood, Fire Crab blood, and Giant's blood.

Before the express reaches its destination, Hermione has nibbled on a few mint flavored beans and lucked out with one vegetable medley flavored bean. Meanwhile Neville has shown off a few cards from the Chocolate Frogs, including one of Headmaster Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore. Stepping off the express, the two girls and Neville are greeted by a booming voice calling for first years to gather at its source. Looking, they spot a large man that Hermione guesses is probably a Half Giant. Thyme confirms this and mentions hearing from Bella that the man is probably the groundskeeper.

The trip from the station is somewhat interesting and made more so by an idle comment from Hermione on safety prompting Thyme to light their surroundings in an emerald glow with her magic whips that Hermione only just realizes are created wandlessly. At the end of a lengthy hike, the Half Giant instructs the students to board a fleet of rowboats, no more than three to a boat. Once everyone is in a boat, the Half Giant taps the boat he is in with an umbrella and the fleet coasts across the large lake revealing the first sight of the massive Hogwarts Castle.

A few minutes later, the fleet passes into a cave going under the castle until the students disembark at an underground harbor and hike up a flight of stairs. At the top of the stairs, the group walks across the lawn to a set of giant oak doors that open to reveal Professor McGonagall. Introducing herself, McGonagall leads the first-years to a side room and tells them to wait quietly while final preparations are made for them to be sorted into Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff.

While waiting, several of the students scream when a group of Ghosts float in through the walls while discussing a Poltergeist named Peeves. Just after the Ghosts try to start a conversation with the first-years, McGonagall returns and leads the students to the Great Hall. The Hall is lit by thousands and thousands of candles that are floating in midair above four long tables, where the rest of the students are sitting. These tables are laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the Hall is another long table where the teachers are sitting.

Professor McGonagall leads the first-years up so they come to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind them. The hundreds of faces staring at them look like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight. Dotted here and there among the students, the Ghosts shine misty silver. Looking upward, Thyme sees a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. _Hogwarts, A History_ mentioned the ceiling being enchanted to show the sky outside the Great Hall.

It is hard to believe there is a ceiling at all, and that the Great Hall doesn't simply open on to the heavens.

Thyme quickly looks down again as Professor McGonagall silently places a four-legged stool in front of the first-years. On top of the stool she puts a pointed Wizard's hat. This hat is patched and frayed and extremely dirty. Mummy Bella would've used it for target practice.

Fir a few seconds there is complete silence as everyone stares at the hat. Then the hat twitches. A rip near the brim opens wide like a mouth – and the hat begins to sing:

"_Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,_

_But don't judge on what you see,_

_I'll eat myself if you can find_

_A smarter hat than me._

_You can keep your bowlers black,_

_Your top hats sleek and tall,_

_For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat_

_And I can cap them all._

_There's nothing hidden in your head_

_The Sorting Hat can't see,_

_So try me on and I will tell you_

_Where you ought to be._

_You might belong in Gryffindor,_

_Where swell the brave at heart,_

_Their daring, nerve, and chivalry_

_Set Gryffindors apart;_

_You might belong in Hufflepuff,_

_Where they are just and loyal,_

_Those patient Hufflepuffs are true_

_And unafraid of toil;_

_Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,_

_If you've a ready mind,_

_Where those of wit and learning,_

_Will always find their kind;_

_Or perhaps in Slytherin_

_You'll make your real friends,_

_Those cunning folk use any means_

_To achieve their ends._

_So_ _put me on! Don't be afraid!_

_And don't get in a flap!_

_You're in safe hands (though I have none)_

_For I'm a Thinking Cap!"_

The whole Hall bursts into applause as the hat finishes its song. It bows to each of the four tables and then becomes quite still again.

Professor McGonagall now steps forward holding a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she says. "Abbot, Hannah!"

A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbles out of line, puts on the hat, which falls right down over her eyes, and sits down. A moment's pause -

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouts the hat.

The table on the right cheers and claps and Hannah goes to sit down at the Hufflepuff table. Thyme sees a Ghost that looks like a fat friar waving merrily at her.

"Bones, Susan!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouts the hat again, and Susan scuttles off to sit next to Hannah.

"Boot, Terry!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

The table second from the left claps this time; several Ravenclaws stand up to shake hands with Terry as he joins them.

"Brocklehurst, Mandy" goes to Ravenclaw too, but "Brown, Lavender" becomes the first new Gryffindor, and the table on the far left explodes with cheers; Thyme can see a set of twin brothers catcalling.

"Bulstrode, Millicent" then becomes a Slytherin. For the most part, they look like an unpleasant lot.

"Finch-Fletchley, Justin!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Sometimes, Thyme notices, the hat shouts out the House at once, but at others it takes a little while to decide. "Finnigan, Seamus," a sandy-haired boy next to Thyme in line, sits on the stool for almost a whole minute before the hat declares him a Gryffindor.

"Granger, Hermione!"

Hermione almost runs to the stool and jams the hat eagerly on her head.

"GRYFFINDOR!" shouts the hat. A red-headed boy with dirt on his nose named Ron groans.

When Neville is called, he falls over on his way to the stool. The hat takes a long time to decide with Neville. When it finally shouts, "GRYFFINDOR," Neville runs off still wearing it, and has to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to "MacDougal, Morag."

A Malfoy swaggers forward when his name is called and is instantly sorted into "SLYTHERIN!"

Malfoy goes to join his bodyguards Crabbe and Goyle, looking quite pleased with himself.

There aren't many people left now.

"Moon" ..., "Nott" ..., "Parkinson" ..., then a pair of twin girls, "Patil" and "Patil" …, then "Perks, Sally-Anne" …, and then, at last -

"Potter-Lestrange, Thyme!"

As Thyme steps forward, whispers suddenly break out like little hissing fires all over the Hall only to cease when the hat screams for Thyme to go to Gryffindor before she has a chance to put it on. The Griffin tattoo on her left breast proves the sorting is still valid as she shrugs and goes to sit between Hermione and Neville. A Prefect named Percy gets up and shakes her hand while introducing himself and the twin brothers who catcalled Lavender yell, "We got Potter! We got Potter!" A Ghost in a large ruff pats her arm from across the table, giving Thyme the sudden, odd feeling she'd just plunged it into a bucket of ice-cold water.

She can see the High Table properly now. At the end nearest her sits the Half Giant, who catches her eye and gives her a thumbs up for some reason. Thyme smirks back. And there, in the center of the High Table, in a large gold chair, sits Albus Dumbledore. Thyme easily recognizes him at once from Neville's Chocolate Frog card as well as Mummy Bella's stories. Dumbledore's silver hair is the only thing in the whole Hall that shines as brightly as the Ghosts.

And now there are only four people left to be sorted. "Thomas, Dean," a tall black boy, joins Thyme at the Gryffindor table. "Turpin, Lisa," becomes a Ravenclaw and then it is Ron's turn. He looks pale green from nerves. A second later the hat shouts, "GRYFFINDOR!"

Thyme claps loudly with the rest as Ron collapses in a nearby chair.

"Well done, Ron, excellent," says Percy pompously as "Zabini, Blaise," is made a Slytherin. Professor McGonagall rolls up her scroll and takes the Sorting Hat away.

Thyme looks down at her empty gold plate. She only just realizes how hungry she is. The beans weren't all that filling and seem ages ago.

Albus Dumbledore gets to his feet. He beams at the students, his arms open wide, as if nothing can please him more than to see them all here.

"Welcome," he says. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"

"Thank you!"

He sits back down. Everybody claps and cheers. Thyme giggles like crazy.

Once she finishes giggling, Thyme loads her plate with the wide variety of food that appeared on the serving dishes: roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, sausages, bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, fries, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup, and, amusingly, peppermint humbugs.

It all tasted better than the Lestrange house elves ever cooked.

"That does look good," says the Ghost in the ruff sadly, watching Thyme cur up her steak.

"When's the last time you tasted food?"

"I haven't eaten for nearly five hundred years," says the Ghost. "I don't need to, of course, but one does miss it. I don't think I've introduced myself? Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington at your service. Resident Ghost of Gryffindor Tower."

"I know who you are!" says Ron suddenly. "My brothers told me about you – you're Nearly Headless Nick!"

"I would _prefer_ you to call me Sir Nicholas de Mimsy -" the Ghost begins stiffly, but sandy-haired Seamus Finnigan interrupts.

"_Nearly_ Headless? How can you be _nearly_ headless?"

Sir Nicholas looks extremely miffed, as if their little chat isn't going at all the way he wanted.

"Like _this_," he says irritably. He seizes his left ear and pulls. His whole head swings off his neck and falls onto his shoulder as if it was on a hinge. Someone had obviously tried to behead him, but not done it properly. Looking pleased at the stunned looks on most of their faces, Nearly Headless Nick flips his head back onto his neck, coughs and says, "So - new Gryffindors! I hope you're going to help us win the House Championship this year? Gryffindors have never gone so long without winning. Slytherins have got the Cup six years in a row! The Bloody Baron's becoming almost unbearable – he's the Slytherin Ghost."

Thyme looks over at the Slytherin table and sees a horrible Ghost sitting there, with blank staring eyes, a gaunt face, and robes with spectacular stains of silver blood. He is right next to Malfoy who, Thyme is pleased to see, doesn't look too pleased with the seating arrangements.

"How did he get covered in blood?" asks Seamus with great interest.

"I've never asked," says Nearly Headless Nick delicately.

"No wonder nobody uses your preferred term of address when you are such a coward," Thyme comments under her breath.

When everyone has eaten as much as they can, the remains of the food fade from the plates, leaving them sparkling clean as before. A moment later, the desserts appear. Blocks of ice cream in nearly every flavor you could think of, apple pies, treacle tarts, chocolate eclairs and jam doughnuts, trifle, strawberries, Jell-O, rice pudding . . .

As Thyme helps herself to a treacle tart, the talk turns to their families.

"I'm half-and-half," says Seamus. "Me dad's a Muggle. Mum didn't tell him she was a Witch 'til after they were married. Bit of a nasty shock for him."

The others laugh.

"What about you, Neville?" says Ron.

"Well, my gran brought me up and she's a Witch," says Neville, "but the family thought I was all-Muggle for ages. My Great Uncle Algie kept trying to catch me off my guard and force some magic out of me – he pushed me off the end of Blackpool pier once, I nearly drowned - but nothing happened until I was eight. Great Uncle Algie came round for dinner, and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my Great Auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidently let go. But I bounced – all the way down the garden and into the road. They were all really pleased, Gran was crying she was so happy. And you should have seen their faces when I got in here - they thought I might not be magic enough to come, you see. Great Uncle Algie was so pleased he bought me my toad."

On Thyme's other side, Percy Weasley and Hermione are talking about lessons ("I _do_ hope they start right away, there's so much to learn, I'm particularly interested in Transfiguration, you know, turning something into something else, of course, it's supposed to be very difficult -"; "You'll be starting small, just matches into needles and that sort of thing -").

Thyme, who is starting to feel warm and sleepy, looks up at the High Table again. The Half Giant is drinking deeply from his goblet. Professor McGonagall is talking to Professor Dumbledore. A professor in an absurd turban is talking to Professor Snape, recognizable from Mummy Bella's stories of his greasy black hair and hooked nose.

It happens very suddenly. Snape looks past the turban straight into Thyme's eyes – and a sharp, hot pain shoots across the scar on Thyme's forehead.

"Ouch!" Thyme claps a hand to his head.

"What is it?" asks Percy.

"N-nothing."

"The pain leaves as quickly as it came. Harder to shake off is the feeling Thyme had gotten from Snape's look – a feeling that he didn't like Thyme at all.

"Who's that teacher talking to Professor Snape?" she asks Percy.

"I suppose you know Snape through your adoptive mother. It's no wonder Professor Quirrell looks so nervous when everyone knows Snape is after his job."

Thyme watches the conversation between Snape and Quirrell for a while, but Snape doesn't look at her again.

At last, the desserts too disappear, and Professor Dumbledore gets to his feet again. The Hall falls silent.

"Ahem - just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you. First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well."

Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flash in the direction of the twin brothers from earlier.

"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors. Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of term. Anyone interested in playing for their House teams should contact Madam Hooch. And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."

Thyme laughs, but she is one of the few who does.

"He can't be serious. That announcement guarantees upwards of half the students will try to enter that corridor in keeping with House traits," she giggles madly to Percy.

"As a Prefect, I will not be among the Gryffindors who think bravery means having no brains," says Percy, frowning at Dumbledore.

"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cries Dumbledore. Thyme notices that the other teachers' smiles become rather fixed.

Dumbledore gives his wand a little flick, as if he is trying to get a fly off the end, and a long golden ribbon flies out of it, which rises high above the tables and twists itself, snakelike, into words.

"Everyone pick their favorite tune," says Dumbledore, "and off we go!"

And the school bellows:

"_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy_ _Warty_

_Hogwarts,_

_Teach us something please,_

_Whether we be old and bald_

_Or young with scabby knees,_

_Our heads could do with filling_

_With some interesting stuff,_

_For now they're bare and full of air,_

_Dead flies and bits of fluff,_

_So teach us things worth knowing,_

_Bring back what we've forgot,_

_Just do your best, we'll do the rest,_

_And learn until our brains all rot."_

Everybody finishes the song at different times. At last, only the Gryffindor twins are left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducts their last few lines with his wand and when they finish, he is one of those who clap loudest.

"Ah, music," he says, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"

The Gryffindor first years follow Percy through the chattering crowds, out of the Great Hall, and up the marble staircase. Thyme's legs are like lead because she is so tired and full of food. It isn't even worth being surprised that Percy leads them through doors hidden behind sliding panels and hanging tapestries. They climb more staircases, yawning and dragging their feet, and Thyme is just wondering how much farther they have to go when they come to a sudden halt.

A bundle of walking sticks is floating in midair ahead of them, and as Percy takes a step toward them they start throwing themselves at him.

"Peeves," Percy whispers to the first years. "A Poltergeist." He raises his voice, "Peeves - show yourself."

A loud, rude sound, like the air being let out of a balloon, answers. Before Percy can react, Thyme sends a whip snaking through the air to wrap around the invisible pest and slam it into the floor hard enough to leave a small crater.

"You aren't supposed to use magic in the hallways. That said, do you think you could repair the crater?" Percy says once he gets around to reacting. Thyme quickly whips the crater out of existence and the Gryffindors continue to a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.

"Password?" she says.

"Caput Draconis," says Percy, and the portrait swings forward to reveal a round hole in the wall. They all scramble through it – Neville needs a leg up – and find themselves in the Gryffindor common room, a cozy, round room full of squashy armchairs.

Percy directs the girls through one door to their dormitory and the boys through another. At the top of a spiral staircase – they are obviously in one of the towers – they find their beds at last: five four-posters hung with deep red, velvet curtains. Their trunks, for those that bother with them, have already been brought up. Too tired to talk much, they fall into bed.

"Goodnight Thyme," Hermione mutters through the hangings.

Only an hour later Thyme wakes to an intruder at Lavender's bed.

**AN:** Thanks for reading. Not sure if I'll update this or work on a few crossover ideas. Please review if this story interests you.


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